OBSESSIVE GARDENING TEST

I’ve compiled a list this week about how to notice that the garden is taking up too much of our thoughts. I suppose you could say it is all about obsessive, compulsive behaviour. Now I’m not saying that I do all these things of course, but I must admit to doing a few of them in my time as a gardener. If you do any little things with your garden that I haven’t mentioned maybe you’d be better off keeping them to yourself!


You know your garden is taking over your life when:

You stay up until three o’clock in the morning browsing through your collection of gardening books and catalogues.

You have photos of your garden alongside photos of your children on your desk at work.

You wash your trowel in the dishwasher.

You go to the garden centre instead of the pub for an active social life.

You give individual names to your prized pansies.

The thought of receiving 8 tonnes of soil on your birthday thrills you.

You have a personal vendetta with the next-door neighbours cat.

You have a garden sitter when you go on holiday.

You just daren’t go on holiday and leave the garden.

You keep writing to Alan Titmarsh asking him around for tea on the lawn.

All your family and friends send you birthday cards with flowers on them.

You are lusting over your neighbour’s pile of manure.

You are on your hands and knees weeding in torrential rain.

Every meal that you prepare contains courgettes.

You send nasty letters to the winner of the Tidy Towns “Best Gardens” competition.

You have empty seed packets by the side of the toilet for a bit of light reading.

On bad hair days you get out the pruners.

You try to take your garden with you when you move house. (These are the same people that will take the light bulbs from the house too).

You fill your pockets with ill-gotten cuttings when you visit garden shows and centres.

You take up writing a gardening column in the local newspaper!


How did you score?

1-5. No problems for you. All is well in the garden of heaven.

6-10. You’re in the borderland of what is accepted as normal behaviour, be on your guard.

11-20 You’re in too deep, there’s no hope… you have left the planet. All that you can do now is build yourself a small shed at the bottom of the garden and wait for Alan Titmarsh to come knocking!

Horticultural.

TOP GARDENING TIP

Make a mini propagator from a clear plastic drinks bottle, ideal for Fuchsia cuttings or growing sunflower seeds etc. Cut the bottle in two, a few inches from the base, put in some compost, place the cutting or seed into this and water in. The two parts can then be sellotaped together. Leave on a bright windowsill or outside. The top can be taken off to allow for ventilation. Another idea that I’ve been experimenting with is to use a small plastic drinks bottle as a water reservoir for hanging baskets. Leave the lid on, cut the base off and make a succession of small holes down the length of the bottle. Tip upside down and sink into the middle of the hanging basket. This can be filled with water and hopefully this will soak the centre of the basket.

Horticultural.

SKY TUNNEL

Photo: I haven't got a photo of the sky tunnel so here is a picture of the church in Newtowncunningham

I was at the Inishowen Co-Op last week buying paint. (I started off by re-decorating the front bedroom but I have to carry on through the house, as everywhere else looks dull in comparison) I noticed the shop were selling a skylight dome that fits on to your roof and lets in daylight to where it is needed. The company is called Sky Tunnel and the device looks very interesting. It helps control the ventilation of your loft and displaces moisture. The idea is simple; the light comes through the transparent dome and runs down a thick tube made from a silver foil like material. This in turn fits on to a frosted plate that is fitted in to the roof. Each one costs the best part of €400 but this is probably less expensive than light reflectors made out of fibre optics. A friend of mine was looking into the possibility of using these fibre optic light carriers in a house design. He has the idea of living in a hillside, which sounds a bit daft but it makes very good sense. His plan is to carve out the hill and have the rooms underground with one large window at the front of the property. As the walls will be in the ground they will not be subjected to the chill factor of the wind and will stay at a constant temperature all year round. With the light domes in the roof it will be bright and when the grass has grown again the house will be almost invisible. You could walk over it and never know!

Environmental.