I’ve compiled a list this week about how to notice that the garden is taking up too much of our thoughts. I suppose you could say it is all about obsessive, compulsive behaviour. Now I’m not saying that I do all these things of course, but I must admit to doing a few of them in my time as a gardener. If you do any little things with your garden that I haven’t mentioned maybe you’d be better off keeping them to yourself!
You know your garden is taking over your life when:
You stay up until three o’clock in the morning browsing through your collection of gardening books and catalogues.
You have photos of your garden alongside photos of your children on your desk at work.
You wash your trowel in the dishwasher.
You go to the garden centre instead of the pub for an active social life.
You give individual names to your prized pansies.
The thought of receiving 8 tonnes of soil on your birthday thrills you.
You have a personal vendetta with the next-door neighbours cat.
You have a garden sitter when you go on holiday.
You just daren’t go on holiday and leave the garden.
You keep writing to Alan Titmarsh asking him around for tea on the lawn.
All your family and friends send you birthday cards with flowers on them.
You are lusting over your neighbour’s pile of manure.
You are on your hands and knees weeding in torrential rain.
Every meal that you prepare contains courgettes.
You send nasty letters to the winner of the Tidy Towns “Best Gardens” competition.
You have empty seed packets by the side of the toilet for a bit of light reading.
On bad hair days you get out the pruners.
You try to take your garden with you when you move house. (These are the same people that will take the light bulbs from the house too).
You fill your pockets with ill-gotten cuttings when you visit garden shows and centres.
You take up writing a gardening column in the local newspaper!
How did you score?
1-5. No problems for you. All is well in the garden of heaven.
6-10. You’re in the borderland of what is accepted as normal behaviour, be on your guard.
You know your garden is taking over your life when:
You stay up until three o’clock in the morning browsing through your collection of gardening books and catalogues.
You have photos of your garden alongside photos of your children on your desk at work.
You wash your trowel in the dishwasher.
You go to the garden centre instead of the pub for an active social life.
You give individual names to your prized pansies.
The thought of receiving 8 tonnes of soil on your birthday thrills you.
You have a personal vendetta with the next-door neighbours cat.
You have a garden sitter when you go on holiday.
You just daren’t go on holiday and leave the garden.
You keep writing to Alan Titmarsh asking him around for tea on the lawn.
All your family and friends send you birthday cards with flowers on them.
You are lusting over your neighbour’s pile of manure.
You are on your hands and knees weeding in torrential rain.
Every meal that you prepare contains courgettes.
You send nasty letters to the winner of the Tidy Towns “Best Gardens” competition.
You have empty seed packets by the side of the toilet for a bit of light reading.
On bad hair days you get out the pruners.
You try to take your garden with you when you move house. (These are the same people that will take the light bulbs from the house too).
You fill your pockets with ill-gotten cuttings when you visit garden shows and centres.
You take up writing a gardening column in the local newspaper!
How did you score?
1-5. No problems for you. All is well in the garden of heaven.
6-10. You’re in the borderland of what is accepted as normal behaviour, be on your guard.
11-20 You’re in too deep, there’s no hope… you have left the planet. All that you can do now is build yourself a small shed at the bottom of the garden and wait for Alan Titmarsh to come knocking!
Horticultural.
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